McCall Kids Dot Org - Big Kids Page

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Try this … When things are going well in your life and you're feeling pretty good about yourself, take time to make a check-list inventory of what you are doing each day. Items on your list might include eating a good breakfast, daily exercise, valuable alone time, getting your homework done, music … and other things you are doing. There is a connection between your behavior, decisions, actions and your self-esteem.

When you feel yourself getting out of whack and your self-esteem is slipping, review your checklist and see what has been different lately. You may find you have left some important elements out of your day, or you are overdoing some of the good things, or you are doing something you shouldn't be doing. Adjust and get on with your day. The earlier you make the correction, the easier it will be to get back on track.

You know those days when you wake up and you just know you're going to have a bad day and you want to stay in bed or skip school? This strategy works for many people: Make your only goal for the day just to show up. That's it. Just show up. What many people find is that good things often happen for them when they just show up. Woody Allen says, "90% of success is just being there."

Take care of yourself physically … When you start the day in physical pain, the pain always takes priority. The rest of the stuff in your day comes in second to how you feel physically. To be sure, sometimes pain happens, but you can cut down those uncomfortable times by taking good care of yourself with healthy diet, exercise and not smoking or doing other harmful things to your body.

Many believe strong self-esteem is based in feeling good physically. Maybe so. But it sure is alot easier to feel good about yourself if you feel good already!

Remember HALT … Don't let yourself get Hungry … Angry … Lonely … Tired … and life isn't bad. Remember HALT.

"Fear … is always fear of some future thing. I have observed that as soon as a person confronts or challenges whatever he is afraid of, the fear vanishes." This observation was made by Virginia Satir, noted family therapist and author, in her classic book Peoplemaking. Click here for Satir's observations about other elements that make up the self-esteem system.

You have no control over future events. But you can influence today. If you're concerned about something down the road, you can use today to prepare for it. If you concentrate on today and doing what you can to get ready, you can virtually eliminate fear from your life. And you think and feel alot better about yourself if you are not fearful.

Consider a little healthy doubt as a stress management tactic:

Do you have any of the following personal rules?
• Everything I do must be perfect.
•   I will not ask for help for me or my friends.
•   I must always please others.
• I should not make mistakes and neither should
     other people.
• I'm okay if I'm successful.
• As long as things look good, everything is okay.

If you have any of these rules, try this stress management tip:

Doubt yourself !

You develop rules over time that influence how you think, feel, and behave. Your rules are influenced by your family, your friends, and your experience. You establish rules and keep them for a time because they work for you. But over time, things change, you change, but your rules don't. You tend to hold onto the old rules although they don't work any more. You need personal rules, no question, but you also need to inventory them from time to time and change them so they work in your favor.

Old rules can lower your self-esteem, interfere with happiness, and cause stress. Instead of holding onto a rule that is causing you pain, try a little healthy doubt. The next time an old rule kicks in, ask yourself if it is working for you any more. Can you make a mistake without the world crashing down around your ears? You bet you can. Can you stop trying to solve other people's problems and take care of yourself? Yes. And is it really a sign of maturity or friendship to keep quiet when you know you should ask for help? No, it isn't. Check out your rules from time time, trash the ones that no longer work, revise those that need to be changed, and develop new rules to adapt successfully to changing times and changing you.